


In the Shadow of the Knight

by Reverie_Indigo



Series: Lantern in the Dark [2]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Asphyxiation, BAMF Percival, D/s, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-26
Updated: 2014-04-26
Packaged: 2018-01-20 20:07:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1523939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reverie_Indigo/pseuds/Reverie_Indigo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An innocent must suffer a terrible fate for Merlin's mistakes, and Percival is willing to pay any price to right this wrong, even if it means storming the gates of the spirit world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In the Shadow of the Knight

**Author's Note:**

> The story was written for Untold Legends 2014. It is not the sequel to Lantern in the Dark - it is a short interlude between stories that sets the scene for the next work.
> 
> Although it works as a stand-alone, there are a few elements that have their back-story in the earlier part.
> 
> My thanks to my beta dreams579 for her tireless and patient (usually) work as my beta - without her this story would be tiresome. And also to emjayelle for running this fest.

The little girl stared past Percival with an eerie, placid focus as flashes of lightning illuminated her eyes, and Percival’s neck prickled as waves of dark power washed over him from behind. He turned to follow the child’s gaze.

Merlin approached, only the gold of his eyes visible between the lightning strikes that caressed his body, rendering his flesh transparent to expose the skeleton beneath, and  the ground blistered and charred under his tread. With a predatory smile, he tilted his head and spoke with a voice of screaming wind. Percival threw himself in front of the girl to shield her with his body. “Leave her alone. She’s only a child.”

Merlin halted, and now they stood in a glimmering silver web, its strands floating in the wind and trailing off into infinity. Merlin reached for a thread connected to the girl, and Percival seized the strand to prevent Merlin from dragging her away from him. His mind slid along the girl’s thread through the ages to glimpse heroes and scholars, golden islands of light in the black sea of crumbling civilisations. As Merlin let go, he smiled and tore the thread on a whim.

“No!” Helpless, Percival held his breath as the aimless strand wandered free until it attached to another, and the gold lights winked out leaving only darkness and entropy. He turned and knelt before the girl, who stood frozen, her eyes lifeless and red with blood, her skin grey as slate until her flesh blackened in corruption and fell away.

Percival woke to darkness, the image still branded in his vision; a stab of nausea urged him to scuttle away from Merlin’s sleeping form until an escaping snorted breath and smacking lips brought him back to himself. Percival rarely dreamed, and never with such vivid reality. Had it even been a dream? His clenched his fist around the phantom tingle of the silver thread.

Unconscious, Merlin rolled over to snuggle into him and hummed in pleasure, sweet and vulnerable, so far from the Merlin of his dream, the dark Merlin who to defeat Morgana had seized forbidden energies and overthrown the balance of the world.

Perhaps the dream was only an echo of that terrible day – yet a warning festered in his gut that he had glimpsed the price demanded to right the scales.

***

Percival crept into the cottage they kept in Ealdor for their regular visits as he returned from a run through the town’s environs, but the floorboards creaked under his weight and Merlin stirred from his sleep and dragged open his eyes and smiled. He yawned and stretched like a cat, drowsy and pliant, adorable with his hair a disaster. His gaze darkened as he gave Percival’s body a hungry scan and he held out his hand. “Come over here and give me a poke.”

Percival’s shoulders slumped, the grip of his dream stronger than Merlin’s allure. “Merlin, your mother’s expecting us and I need a bath.”

“A _quick_ poke, then.”

Percival sighed. “If you come with me to the baths, I’ll see what I can do.”

Merlin propped himself on his elbow and inched the sheet down his chest, and Percival couldn’t help following Merlin’s hand over the muscles of his stomach and the trail of hair leading ever downward. Merlin smirked at this victory. “Hmm, I think a poke now and another at the baths.”

Percival clenched his teeth; though happy his body excited Merlin so much, sometimes he wondered if Merlin’s interest in him went beyond sex. “Stop saying ‘poke’. I’m going to the baths. You can join me or not.”

He caught Merlin’s falling face as he turned to leave and he shut his eyes against the tightening in his chest.

“Percival? Are you angry with me?”

Percival sighed and turned, sat on the edge of the bed and spread a hand over Merlin’s chest and pushed him flat. “No. I’m sorry, I didn’t sleep well.”

He slid his hands down Merlin’s arms to seize his wrists and pinned them over his head to the mattress. Merlin’s wide eyes and furled brow melted into a heated smile as Percival climbed over him and ground his stomach against Merlin’s eager length. Panting, Merlin buried his face in Percival’s neck, clamped his legs around his waist and rutted against him while Percival lay lost in the dead stare of the little girl he couldn’t push out of his mind’s eye.

***

Percival wended through Hunith’s garden to the cottage behind the house where Merlin’s parolee had lived in the years since he released her, the difficult burden only Hunith had the compassion to bear.

He wiped his hands on his trousers, took a deep breath to steady his pounding heart, and knocked. In moments, the door cracked open; Morgana arched an eyebrow and swung the door wide. Percival stared at his feet. “Um, hello.” An awkward silence followed with no reply from Morgana. “So, um, how is everyth―”

“What do you want?”

Percival snapped his head up to meet the casual hostility of her furrowed gaze. “I wanted to ask you… I…” Morgana made an impatient rolling forward gesture with her hand and Percival sighed. “How do you know when a dream isn’t just a dream?”

Morgana frowned and fixed an unnerving stare on him. “You saw the girl.”

Percival gaped as a shiver ran up his neck. “How…?”

Morgana glanced away, a bitter smirk marring her porcelain features. “Unfortunately, the Sight isn’t locked up with my magic.”

Percival cringed at the unspoken accusation. “What does it mean?” 

Morgana met his eyes with no pretense of enmity before her gaze shifted to her clasped hands. “I don’t know. But I think we’ll soon find out.”

***

A lack of rain and unseasonal heat scattered dead patches over the foliage of Merlin’s favourite garden. As they ambled down the path, he stole a glance at Percival and frowned at his pallor and the dark circles under his eyes, their usual mischievous twinkle replaced by a glassy stare.

Merlin took his hand and threaded their fingers together. Percival turned to give him a wan smile before he went far away again, absently trailing his hand over a laurel hedge as they strolled, and the withered leaves revived to a healthy green and bloomed under his touch.

***

“Merlin!” Alice’s ward raced up the path towards them and an icy fist closed around Percival’s heart. The panting boy reached them with a hint of agitation in the usual naughty gleam of his large grey eyes.

Merlin knelt and clasped his shoulders. “What is it, Alvin?”

“Alice needs you in the infirmary.”

Merlin glanced up at Percival and frowned as he rose to his feet. “Are you all right? You’ve gone white.”

Percival shut his eyes for a moment and nodded. “I’m fine. Let’s go.”

Alice’s infirmary sat surrounded by a garden planted with herbs; the ripple of a fountain emptying into a pool shaded by evergreens enhancing the tranquil atmosphere of the place. The main chamber smelt much like Gaius’ old rooms, but here the resemblance ended. Ordered rows of cabinets hid the bottles and tools of the physician’s art in place of the chaos of precarious book piles, scattered papers, equipment and curios; rather than the dinginess of the castle tower, skylights and broad windows flooded the chamber with sunlight and aired the building with a sweet breeze.

The knowledge of what they would find hammered in Percival’s chest, yet the sight of the girl struck him unprepared. A piercing ring accompanied the sensation of receding down a long tunnel, and his hammering pulse drowned out all sound until, shutting his eyes and taking deep breaths, he calmed his heart and the voices resolved into an intelligible conversation.

“—tried every remedy, magical and natural, but the sickness in her is stubborn. She’s been unconscious for days and if we can’t help her soon… Well, I was hoping some raw power might help.” Alice stood with Merlin and Hunith, while the girl’s parents stood together a few paces behind, listening whilst staring with worry-lined faces at their daughter.

Merlin nodded and sat at the girl’s side, placed his hand over her forehead and closed his eyes for a moment to collect himself. “ _Ahluttre tha seocness. Ic þe þurhhæle þin licsare!”_ His eyes flared gold, but after a pause he pinched his lips and shook his head. He moved his hands over the girl’s heart, and this time, his deepened voice rang with an unnatural resonance. “ _Ic the thurhhaele thinu licsar mid tham sundorcraeft thaere ealdan ae!_ ” Again, Merlin’s eyes burned gold, and Percival’s hairs stood on end as Merlin’s power shimmered about him in waves, again with no apparent effect.

Merlin rose and joined the others. Alice gave the parents a sad smile. “I had hoped…” She frowned and glanced at the girl. ”Come, let's go talk outside.” She led them from the chamber and Merlin paused to take Percival’s hand, a question in his expression. Percival drew Merlin into an embrace. “Go ahead – I’ll stay here for a moment.” Merlin rose to his tiptoes to give him a kiss before he followed the others out. Percival caught a snippet of Alice’s diagnosis as the voices faded. “There’s a cancer deep inside her, in her very bones, growing and spreading. You must prepare yourselves – she is unlikely to wake again. We can only make her as comfortable…”

Percival shut out the conversation as he approached the bed. He sat alongside on a stool, chest aching, haunted by features so familiar from his vision. He sighed and bent to stroke the girl’s cheek and her eyes opened; the same brilliant blue, even more so couched in dark circles on pale and clammy skin. A slow smile spread over her face as she met Percival’s gaze and whispered, faint and raspy, “Hello.”

Percival stopped breathing, overwhelmed by a sense of unreality. He forced himself to smile as he brushed a stray lock of hair from her forehead. “Hi, love. What’s your name?”

“Eve.”

Percival blinked as his vision grew blurry. “I’m Percival.”

The girl nodded and shut her eyes. “I knew you were real.”

“What…” Percival swallowed and struggled to control his voice. “What do you mean?” But the girl lay comatose, a faint rise of her chest the only sign of life.

Percival leaned his head back. How could Merlin do this? He’d changed this girl’s fate without thought, on a whim. This was wrong, not meant to be. Could he have stopped Merlin? He hadn’t even tried, and now a suffocating weight of responsibility settled in Percival’s chest.

Leaning forward again, he placed his hand over the girl’s heart and shut his eyes to peer inside himself; he focused on the light Hunith had shown him and shined it into the girl. What he found made his flesh crawl and his stomach turn with nausea - a blackness lived in her bones, spreading its tendrils through her body, poisoning her, gnawing at her life force and rotting her from the inside out, so entrenched that he had trouble telling where the disease ended and the girl began. And yet the foulness hissed and recoiled from his light. He pulled at the filth, strained to draw it out, but the disease fought him, maintained its deadly grip, dug in deeper; and so he called more light, struck at the blackness, burned it. Now certain he was stronger, Percival exerted the full power of his light and will, and a deep rumble threatened to drown out a chorus of screams…

A hand gripped his wrist. “Percival!” The shout was a bucket of ice water to his face. Confused, he met Hunith’s bright and angry gaze. She squeezed tighter. “No. Not this. Never.”

Percival turned to face the incredulous stares and gaping mouths of Alice and the parents and Merlin, wide-eyed with his hands over his mouth. “But I—“

“I think you should go now.” Disoriented with blurry eyes and a lump in his throat, he let Hunith pull him to his feet and hand him over to Merlin, who led him outside past the silent stares of Alice and Eve’s parents.

Merlin raised a hand as if to stroke Percival’s cheek, but biting his lip and eyes damp and bright, he halted the movement and returned his hand to his side.

“Merlin…?”

Taking Percival’s hands, Merlin schooled his features, but his eyes betrayed his fear. “What did you do?”

“I only wanted to help – I… I don’t want her to die. It isn’t right.”

Merlin nodded, still biting his lip.

“Why is everyone scared? Did I do something wrong?”

Merlin sighed. “There was a light – blinding – everything went white. It felt like a door had cracked open and… something was coming. Something terrible. You shouldn’t... I… that time, against Morgana – well, you know what happened. There are things best left undisturbed.” Merlin stepped closer, wrapped his arms around Percival and rested his head on his shoulder. “Mum won’t stay angry, Percival. She’s only worried for you.”

Merlin’s warmth and reassurance helped loosen the knot in Percival’s chest and his face heated with shame for his earlier uncharitable thoughts; Merlin had only once, in desperation, succumbed to the temptations of power. Yet still his insides churned with a violence born of the connection he’d forged to the girl; even now he sensed the resurgent cancer consuming her and the precarious flicker of her life force.

***

Merlin paused at the door to Gaius’ room, uncomfortable in the heat cast by the fire burning in the hearth; he pinched his lips at the uncluttered state of the chamber – the sign of a lack of activity. Gaius reclined in a cushioned seat before the fireplace with a blanket over his knees and an open book resting on his chest, open-mouthed and snoring.

Merlin’s face stretched into a broad smile at the familiar pose he’d dearly missed since Gaius retired to Ealdor. His eyes stung, confronted with this hole in his life – the love and understanding, conversation and wise counsel, counsel he needed right now.

He placed a hand on the old man’s shoulder and gave a gentle shake. Gaius stirred, smacked his lips, and opened his eyes. He frowned up at Merlin. “Balinor?”

Merlin’s heart fell into his stomach and his throat closed, overcome by a wave of abandonment. “No, Gaius, it’s me – Merlin.”

Gaius furled his forehead. “Merlin? Hunith’s boy?” Cold raced through Merlin and his vision blurred; while prepared for Gaius’ further decline since his past visits, he had thought his old mentor would at least remember him for a few more years. Gaius smacked him with his book. “Don’t give me that stricken look! I remember you, I’ve not gone completely senile. It just takes a moment to get the gears turning.”

Merlin huffed a laugh and drew his sleeve over his eyes. “I wouldn’t know the difference. You’ve been a few bricks short of a load since I met you.”

“Cheeky boy.” Gaius smacked him again. “So tell me, is everything well in Camelot? Have you been taking care of our king?”

Merlin rolled his eyes and tutted. “I do what I can. What are you reading?”

Gaius shrugged and handed him the book. “I forget anything that's too long to read in one sitting and I must go back to the beginning every time I pick it up.”

Merlin pulled up a chair and sat beside his old guardian. “I could read to you…”

“I’m not a _child_ , Merlin.” Gaius softened the flash of ire in his voice by patting Merlin’s hand. “Now tell me – what’s troubling you?”

Merlin slouched, relieved Gaius hadn’t yet lost the ability to read him. “It’s Percival.” A cloud of sadness passed over Gaius’ face and he lowered his eyes, which made Merlin frown and wonder at the source of this reaction. “He’s been waking suddenly at night and is pensive all day… it feels a little like Morgana, and… I don’t know. He’s changing… he’s not... not just a normal man anymore.”

Gaius smiled and stroked Merlin’s cheek. “No, he isn’t – he’s so much more. There is a power in him… a simplicity… no, a purity, that manifests in ways I can’t fathom. I…” Gaius’ mind wandered off, and Merlin shut his eyes against the sad and childlike expression on Gaius' face - a face he wanted to remember wearing irritated scowls with eyebrows reaching for his hairline.

“What is it, Gaius? You were going to say something else.”

“Hmm? Ah. Now where was I? Oh yes. When I was a young man, Merlin, in the most sacred ceremonies of the Old Religion, the high priests and priestesses would enter into communion with the old gods, and when they did so there was a… vibration – I can’t think how else to describe it. But sometimes that’s what I feel from Percival.”

Gaius’ words sent a chill through Merlin, yet they lightened a burden troubling him; Morgana too was once just and compassionate, but hers was a cold justice and a self-righteous compassion. Percival simply… loved; humble and self-sacrificing, he gave everything of himself to serve and protect anyone who needed him. There was nothing, no power, capable of corrupting him.

“Thank you Gaius.”

The old man gave him a warm smile. “I’m glad you’re here, Merlin. Tell me, how fares Camelot? Are you taking good care of the king?”

Merlin forced a smile and struggled to choke out a response. “Camelot and King are hale and hearty both. I have to go, Gaius. I’ll be back soon.”

He stood, and Gaius grinned up at him and nodded. Merlin gave him a quick embrace and fled the room, wiping his eyes with his sleeve.

Alice waited outside. “Merlin?”

“It’s hard to... I…”

“I know, dear.” She took him into her arms and he rested his head on her shoulder. “But he’s happy, and that’s what matters most, isn’t it?”

Merlin gave her a weak nod, but her words did nothing to lighten his sense of loss.

***

Percival woke chilled to the core in pitch blackness, disoriented, unable to move or breathe, spinning with the strange dread that something essential was missing, and his mind froze when he realised what that was: a heartbeat. An overpowering force dragged his withering consciousness from his body…

He sat up in bed with a tortured gasp as the girl’s dying moments tore him awake. _Eve!_ He threw aside the covers and Merlin batted at him with a floppy arm.

“Prcvl. Whr’r y gng…?

Percival bent to kiss him and stroke his hair. “Shh. I’m only going out to pee – I’ll be right back.” Merlin made an accepting murmur and relieved, Percival threw on his clothing and bolted to the infirmary, every second interminable as his tie to Eve frayed until only a meaningless filament remained, and finally dissolved.

The girl lay where he left her, still and white, her lips blue, her glassy and unseeing eyes half open, and he choked as she fell away from him into the dark. He threw his hands over her body and followed her, propelling his spirit after her, closing the distance as they plummeted towards a brightness beyond the abyss…

They stood before the gates of a fantastic castle; fairy lights bobbed and shimmered around impossible spires of crystal and gold, paradise as imagined by a child, and the beauty and peace the castle radiated called to Percival, tempting him with sing-song voices.

Eve laughed with dancing eyes and ran toward the gate, but Percival grabbed her arm. “Wait! Eve, wait.”

Her smile melted into a pouty scowl. “But I want to go _now_.”

Percival knelt before her. “No, come away with me, please – you can come back later.”

Eve tried to jerk her arm free. “Nooo!”

“Eve, if you go, your mum and dad will be sad and you won’t be able to see them anymore – you don’t want that, do you?”

Her brows drew tight and she shuffled her feet. “No…” The girl’s tug against his grip weakened, but a building undertow dragged at her, and he steeled himself against the pull.

“You can come back here someday – I promise.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

The girl frowned, her face lit with a white light that threw a long shadow behind her. “You’re glowing.”

Percival held his free hand before his face, confused, but he had no time to wonder as the light he cast revealed a black form at the gate, chilling Percival with the childhood fear of what lurked under the bed. “Declare yourself! How long have you stood there watching us?”

The answering voice echoed with mournful whispers carried by the wind. “I have been here since the birth of time, and I shall be here until the last ember of creation flickers and dies.”

Percival’s every instinct screamed at him to flee as the spectral woman stepped from the shadows, clothed and hooded in rags, leaning on a rowan staff. Her deathly pallor accented her watery and sunken eyes, ancient and filled with a terrible sadness that tore at Percival's heart and made him want to go to her to soothe her loneliness and help bear her burdens.

Her features softened with a hint of regret. “Of all men, perhaps you alone might, but this is not your destiny.” The withered crone advanced with small, halting steps. “You have something that belongs with me.”

Percival wrapped a protective arm around Eve. “Please, my lady – it’s not her time. She’s meant for more than this.”

“That may have been true once, but no longer. Now this is her fate.”

“You came for just one small child?”

The old woman raised her head. “It is you who brought me here.”

Percival frowned, confused. As the crone continued her approach, Percival threw out a hand, now brighter than before. “There must be a mistake – I didn’t call you. Please, come no closer. I won’t let you take her.”

The old woman halted, expressionless. “Consider carefully the consequences of what you are doing.”

A deep, hollow ache stabbed through Percival, that he should never see Merlin again, with no chance even to say goodbye. “I know of the balance – a life for a life. I’m prepared to pay that price.”

The old woman laughed, waves on a sunless sea and the scream of things that live in the dark. “Such rules do not apply to you! And yet everything comes with a price, even if when it comes due, one is unaware it has been paid.”

Percival understood none of this, but it didn’t matter anymore; the hag advanced another step and Percival girded his will, bright enough now to make her flinch. “Even if what you say is true, I willingly offer myself.”

She stood tall, her voice edged with ice. “I have no need to bargain with you; she is already mine.”

“I won’t let you take her!” The tug on Eve rose to an irresistible strength and Percival’s grip around the girl dragged him with her toward the crone. “ _No!_ ”

***

Merlin shot upright as a terrible scream rent the night. As the piercing echoes and the rolling earth subsided, he grabbed for Percival to find him gone, and he made the heart-seizing connection. “No, no no no no no no no…” Freezing and shaking, he sprang from bed and sprinted barefoot for the infirmary choking back tears as the vibrations of a chilling power he recognised all too well sank into the depths. _Percival, what have you done?_

He skidded to a halt inside the door of the main chamber. Percival stood by a window, illuminated a ghostly white by the moon, holding the child against his chest. When Percival turned toward him, his eyes still shone with moonlight until Hunith’s lantern dispelled the effect as she rushed in a moment behind Merlin.

Merlin fell to his knees and sagged with tears welling in his eyes as he took deep breaths to let the relief sink in. The girl slept peacefully with her head tucked into Percival’s neck, her colour already retuning to a healthy hue.

***

Hunith returned home downcast and exhausted, and paused only to check on Gaius before retiring, but found his room empty. “Gaius?” As she ventured a step inside, a faint whimpering reached her and, raising her lantern, she found Gaius cowering in a corner, weeping. Hunith rushed to his side, set down the lantern and reached to pull away the arm he held over his face.

He recoiled from her touch, hyperventilating. “No!”

“It’s me, Gaius, it’s Hunith.” Hunith stroked his head to soothe his troubled mind. “What is it? Tell me what’s wrong.”

Gaius peeked over his arm with red eyes, his voice a tearful whisper. “The Cailleach. She’s here. Come for me.”

Hunith blinked back tears and took his free hand. “No, Gaius, not for you. For the girl.”

Gaius lowered his shielding arm. “The girl?”

“Alice’s patient. The dying little girl.”

Gaius sighed. “Percival told me of her.” Hunith nodded, puzzled yet not surprised how Gaius always remembered Percival and everything that happened in his presence. “The Cailleach took her?”

Hunith shut her eyes and took a deep breath. “No.”

Gaius brushed a tear from her cheek, their roles now reversed as he sought to comfort her. “What aren’t you telling me?”

Shaking and unable to stop her voice hitching, she bowed her head. “Percival drove her away.”

Gaius stiffened. “Drove away the Cailleach?”

Hunith nodded, biting her lip, unable to speak, but she didn’t need to. Gaius embraced her, stroked the back of her head. “Oh, Hunith. My dear, sweet girl.”

***

Merlin shivered as he shed his trousers and, naked, took a hesitant step toward Percival with his heart racing and butterflies at war in his stomach, unable to make eye contact, afraid and nervous to the point of nausea as if this were his first time. And in a way, it was. His Percival had not returned from the other world; in his place came this serene man standing before him, observing him in silence, dismantling Merlin with his mere presence.

Merlin raised a trembling hand to stroke one of the strong arms that had enthralled him since the day Percival had rained boulders on the Southrons. Merlin traced his hand up Percival’s arm to the sturdy column of his neck, cowed by broad and powerful shoulders that would bear any weight placed on them; and last, to the iron planes of his chest, the easy rise and fall a contrast to Merlin’s rapid, shallow breaths.

Percival tilted Merlin’s chin upwards with a finger under his chin to meet his gaze, and Merlin stood transfixed by radiant eyes that peered deep into him and stripped him bare. Percival bent to kiss him, and the touch of his lips stole Merlin’s breath and melted his legs. Overwhelmed, Merlin turned away to wrap his arms around Percival to support himself and rested his head against Percival’s chest. Percival enfolded him in his arms, and Merlin would have been content to stay embalmed in this restful heat forever. He surrendered himself to the protection of those arms to be shielded by Percival’s unmatched strength of body and spirit; so strong that in his hand, Excalibur had become the wrath of Albion to sweep away the foulest of demons, stronger even than Arthur, stronger than any man Merlin had ever known. Stronger than death.

The though sent a burning shiver through Merlin to sting his eyes; he squeezed them shut, wondering how Percival could do what Merlin, with all his magic and power, could not – travel to the spirit world and snatch a life from the grasp of the gatekeeper. “What was it like?”

Percival drew and released a heavy breath. “Beautiful and terrible – like falling through a strange door to a familiar place. I can’t describe it.”

Percival’s words stirred something in Merlin, like something forgotten but circling just outside his conscious mind. “I wish I could have seen it.”

“I’ll show you, if you want.”

Merlin frowned and bent his neck back to meet Percival’s eyes. “Can you really do that?”

Percival nodded, and smiling, removed his arms, took a step back to unfasten his trousers and stepped out of them, now revealed in all his statuesque perfection. He fixed burning eyes on Merlin and widened his stance. Very ready and hungry for Percival, Merlin dropped to his knees, but Percival grabbed him under his arms and raised him to his feet. “Not tonight. Just kiss me – it’s enough.”

He sat on the bed and pulled Merlin into his lap. Merlin whimpered as he brushed his lips against Percival’s, soft and full, his breath sweet, and the feel of all those muscles... As their kiss deepened, Percival pulled back Merlin’s head by his hair to attack his neck, and Merlin hissed both at the tug and in anticipation as Percival hardened against him.

Merlin reached for a bottle on the nightstand, and fumbling and spilling, slicked Percival, lingering to make Percival throw his head back, panting.

Unwilling to wait any longer, Merlin rose onto his knees over Percival’s lap and took him in hand to guide him to Merlin’s entrance, but Percival gripped his wrist to stop him. “Turn around the other way.”

Merlin turned to face forward, braced his feet on Percival’s knees while Percival grasped his sides to support his weight as he lowered himself, slowly and in stages to allow himself to adjust and for the pain to subside, until he again rested in Percival’s lap, his legs dropping as he revelled in the fullness, the mere movement of breathing enough to send gentle waves of pleasure through him.

Percival kissed his neck. “Are you ready?”

Merlin nodded and Percival rolled his hips; Merlin squinted and sucked in a breath, but after a pause, Percival gradually increased the depth of his thrusts and Merlin turned his head to the side to share clumsy kisses as the pain faded into pleasure.

Percival murmured into Merlin’s ear, sending a thrill through his body. “Did you mean what you said? Do you want me to show you?”

Merlin nodded – though it didn’t matter because at this point Merlin would let him do whatever he wanted regardless.

Percival wrapped his arms around Merlin to hold him immobile, imprisoned Merlin’s wrists in one hand, and circled his throat with the other and slowly tightened his grip. Percival continued to move inside him with slow thrusts and Merlin draped his head over his shoulder in blissful surrender as the pressure built. And built…

Despite his complete trust in Percival, as the burning in his lungs became unbearable, Merlin stiffened as instinctual panic gave him manic energy - yet Merlin pulled with all his strength in to free his arms in utter futility, and with his feet dangling above the ground he had no leverage to use his legs. The animal part of his brain lashed out with his magic, but even this proved futile, as if it were held inside him by Percival’s grasp. Percival’s stubble scraped against his ear. “Shh. Don’t fight me – just let it happen. I’ve got you. Just let it happen…”

Completely helpless, a calm resignation came over Merlin, and he surrendered to darkness.

***

He floated above, staring down at his body twitching far below, yet he still felt Percival moving inside him, felt his heat against his back. Soon a powerful force dragged him away, and his body receded into the distance and was gone. He fell into darkness, falling, falling, racing towards a distant point of light, and he hit bottom in a blinding flash of white.

***

Merlin squinted in the bright warm light of morning, standing in a beautiful glade abounding in wildflowers of bright, enamelled hues embossed by the brilliant sun, their perfume fanned by a gentle breeze over the grasses through sweet and pure air; in fact his surroundings were so stunning it almost seemed to be an idealised version of a glade. He frowned and turned to Percival. “I think I’ve been here before.”

Percival smiled. “See what I mean?”

Now an old rickety fence such as one might find between farms crossed their path, but this one stretched beyond the horizon in both directions. A memory stirred in Merlin, like a faded dream. “I… I was…” He frowned. “Lancelot was here.” A force tugged at Merlin, pulling him toward the fence, but Percival’s arm around him anchored him in place. A part of him yearned to cross, yet an awareness tied him elsewhere, to his physical body from which waves of pleasure reached him even here. “Was it like this before?”

“No. The girl saw this place in a different way, the way a child sees paradise. I guess this is the way you see it.”

Merlin turned to face Percival. “So this is like a metaphor?”

Percival frowned. “I think that was a simile.”

Merlin smiled and turned again toward the fence. “I wonder what it really looks like.”

“I don’t know if it can look like anything. Maybe we just make ourselves see something to make sense of all this."

Merlin frowned. "I wonder how it would be for you."

Percival raised his hand, and the glade crumbled away to reveal a vast sea of stars, and the fence spun off into the distance, whirling until it resolved into a disk of absolute blackness surrounded by a rotating nimbus of light and matter. Merlin hovered in the void, exposed to all of creation and unable to comprehend its vast expanse or the massive energies that birthed, collided and died around him. Beautiful lights sang past him, complex, flawed, and wonderful, to be drawn into the black whirlpool, the souls of the departed on their journey to the next world.

The veil pulled at Merlin too, and voices from beyond whispered his name - but something far stronger held him back; Merlin turned to be confronted by a luminous being, crowned in light, beautiful and terrible. He remained frozen between an instinct to flee and a desire to fall in worship; as the bright form extended a burning touch, all barriers between them fell away and Merlin lay exposed to the full force of Percival’s total and unconditional love, his very essence. Merlin now understood this love like never before as it washed over him, into every corner of his being. His love of Merlin’s clumsiness and his bad moods as well as his selfless dedication to the dream of a better world; how Merlin’s smile brought him to the edge of tears, how _Percival's_ paradise was holding Merlin enfolded in his arms and that he lived in awe of Merlin’s mind, strength, and optimism; and well aware that someone else owned the largest part of Merlin’s heart, he lived content with the portion that belonged to him. Never before had Merlin felt so humbled, tiny, and unworthy of this man whose love shined strong and pure enough to hold even death at bay.

The draw toward the veil had ceased and now a countervailing gravity pulled him away, and his awareness of his mortal form increased as his spirit accelerated back towards the world of the living. The pressure of pain and ecstasy grew and swelled beyond endurance, and, falling to earth like a catapult stone, he came in an explosion of heat and lightning searing through every muscle of his body. Percival followed, in his convulsions squeezing Merlin so tight he could feel his ribs creaking.

For long moments he panted, blind, and as the whiteness faded, he re-attuned to his vibrating and over-sensitive body, conscious of every drop of the rivulets of sweat running down his back against Percival’s heaving chest, the almost painful tingle of Percival’s breath against his neck, and the unbearable and wonderful sensation of fullness as Percival throbbed inside him against overstimulated places.

Merlin collapsed against Percival like a dead jellyfish, totally incapable of movement of any kind; Percival arranged Merlin in bed against him back to front and draped an arm over his body.

Merlin mustered hoarse words, slurred as if drunk, half conscious and babbling. “Obviously there are no words… that was…”

Percival smiled against his neck. “I know.”

Impossible images and sensations swirled through Merlin’s mind, hastening its shutdown. “I love you.”

Percival kissed under his ear. “I know.”

Merlin drifted away to the sound of their hearts beating in unison.

 


End file.
